What ‘congruence’ means in person-centred therapy

Sometimes, when I’ve spoken with clients about the importance of empathy and unconditional positive regard, they ask a simple but important question:
“But how do I know you’re being genuine?”

It’s a fair point. Therapy relies on trust, and for trust to build, a client needs to feel that their therapist is showing up honestly — not just saying the right words.

This brings us to a key concept in person-centred therapy: congruence.

What is congruence?

Carl Rogers, the founder of person-centred therapy, used the term congruence to describe the therapist’s ability to be real and grounded in the therapy room. It’s often described as genuineness or transparency — not putting on a professional act, but instead being a consistent, honest version of yourself.

Congruence isn’t about being blunt or saying everything that comes to mind. It’s about staying aware of what’s happening internally, and being able to recognise and reflect that honestly when it feels helpful to the client.

It starts with self-awareness

Being congruent begins with noticing what you’re feeling as a therapist — physically, emotionally, and mentally — and working out where that’s coming from. Is it something that’s being stirred up by what the client is saying? Is it a reaction based on your own personal experiences or assumptions?

This kind of internal awareness helps me stay clear about what’s mine and what might belong to the client. It keeps the work grounded, and it helps prevent me from responding in ways that are disconnected or unhelpful.

Knowing when (and if) to share

There are moments in therapy when it can be useful to share something from the therapist’s perspective — not as a distraction, but to offer something real back to the client. That might sound like:

“I notice I’m feeling quite stuck with you here — I wonder if you’re feeling something similar?”

“You seem quieter today than usual — is that something you’ve noticed too?”

These kinds of reflections are offered carefully, with the aim of supporting the client’s process. They’re not about the therapist taking up space, but about staying in honest contact with what’s happening between us.

Why it matters

Congruence helps build a working relationship that’s based on something solid. If a client has had past experiences of being misled, judged or dismissed, they may find it hard to trust someone’s warmth or care. That’s understandable. Congruence means that my responses are real — not polished or overly professional, but considered and honest.

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For therapy to be useful, it needs to be based on something genuine. Congruence means I don’t pretend to be feeling one thing when I’m feeling another, and I don’t hide behind therapeutic language or roles. It’s not about being perfect — it’s about showing up, paying attention, and being honest.