I tend to think that January is an extremely difficult time for setting New Year’s resolutions. In the UK, it is often cold, dark and wet. The days are short, energy can feel low, and many of us are still carrying the emotional and physical weight of December. For me, January feels much more like a time to take care of myself and seek comfort than a time to push towards becoming a new and improved version of myself.

And yet, January is often framed as a moment for transformation. We are encouraged to reset, optimise and fix ourselves. Eat better. Be more productive. Change habits. Become healthier, calmer, more disciplined, more successful. Even when these goals sound gentle or well intentioned, they can still carry a subtle pressure to be different from how we are right now.

From a person centred perspective, this pressure is worth paying attention to.

Carl Rogers wrote about something called conditions of worth. In simple terms, conditions of worth are the beliefs we develop about what we need to be like in order to be accepted, valued or seen as good enough. These conditions often form early in life and are shaped by family, culture, education and society more broadly. We learn, sometimes very quietly, that certain feelings, behaviours or ways of being are more acceptable than others.

For example, we might learn that we are more worthy when we are productive, positive, resilient or improving ourselves. We might learn that resting, struggling or staying the same is somehow less acceptable. These messages are rarely delivered explicitly. They are often absorbed over time, through praise, expectations and cultural narratives about success and self improvement.

This is where New Year’s resolutions can become complicated. Even resolutions that sound kind or reasonable can sometimes reinforce the idea that we are not quite enough as we are. That we need to change in order to be worthy of care, pride or belonging. That once we become fitter, calmer, more organised or more emotionally regulated, then we will finally be okay.

From a person centred point of view, growth does not come from pressure or self criticism. It comes from acceptance. Rogers believed that people thrive when they experience unconditional positive regard, both from others and from themselves. This means being valued not for what you achieve or how well you meet certain standards, but simply for being who you are.

January can be a particularly harsh time to place conditions of worth on ourselves. The environment itself offers very little encouragement to push forward. Nature is resting. Things are slower, quieter, more inward. Wanting comfort, warmth and ease at this time of year is not a failure of motivation. It is a deeply human and seasonal response.

That does not mean the new year has nothing positive to offer. A new year can still hold a sense of possibility. Not in the sense of needing to reinvent yourself, but in the quieter sense of curiosity. A chance to notice what you need more of. A chance to reflect on what matters to you. A chance to gently ask yourself how you want to relate to yourself in the months ahead.

From a therapeutic perspective, meaningful change rarely happens because we force it. It tends to emerge when we feel safe enough to listen to ourselves honestly. When we stop treating ourselves as projects to be fixed and start treating ourselves as people who deserve care, especially when things feel hard.

If you find January difficult, you are not alone. If you feel resistant to resolutions, that does not mean you lack ambition or depth. It may simply mean that some part of you is asking for rest, kindness or understanding instead.

There will be other times for movement and momentum. January does not have to carry all of that weight. Sometimes, beginning the year by accepting yourself as you are is a powerful starting point in itself.